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A question of balance

January 21, 2011

I’m loosing my sense of balance.  This isn’t a new thing, it started years ago.  But it is progressing to the point where it concerns me.  Last night I took my son to his violin lesson.  It was cold, the building’s steps covered with snow and slush, maybe a little ice.  It was dark, with the spotlights on the ground aimed at the building, but also into my eyes, making visualization of each step edge difficult.

Holding his violin case, Jimmy just trotted down those steps like it was nothing; for him it was nothing.  He may as well have been a gazelle.  I looked at them with a sense of fear.  I wasn’t sure I could go down them without holding the handrail.  I didn’t want to hold the bleeping handrail.  I don’t want to act like an old bleeping man.

I also didn’t want to fall and smash my head in.  I looked at the jagged sandstone edges.  The narrow treads.  The ice and snow.   I could see myself falling down, bashing my head against the unyielding stone, my teeth shattered.

I went down the stairs; down their center.  Each step controlled by my slightly defective brain; unaided by any external devices.  I was a lot slower than Jim, but that was my only concession to the disease.

The hell with PD.  I’d rather fall than give in to it.


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  1. joyce shipp permalink

    My doc told me that i might improve my balance by standing on one foot while brushing my teeth in the morning and then my other foot while brushing at night. Of course, Doug, you will have to brush your teeth, but it doesn’t take allot of time amd it’s free and it just might help……Love ya’ Joyce

  2. Joy Bahniuk permalink

    There’s nothing wrong with holding onto a railing, even if you’re 100% healthy!

    • I agree 100%. Usually I do hold onto a railing; even indoors. But in this instance, I felt fear; I was afraid. So being silly me, I refused to use the railing. I didn’t want to give in to this weakness.

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